not that difficult, is it?
traces of early winter were bashfully painted all over the scenery as jaejoong strolled through the town’s busy traditional market, purposely avoiding people’s gaze as he dug his hands deep inside his jean’s pocket. the morning sun’s rays were glittery above little pools of muddy water; one more trivial thing that reminded him about having no one to spend with on the rainy night yesterday. sulking, he ignored a hopeful puppy wagging his tail at him. he wouldn’t be able to take care of it, and he preferred cats rather than dogs, anyway.
“why?” jaejoong kept his calm, even though the fire in his eyes were prominent.
“I just.. I think I need some time to think.” yoochun replied just as quiet, folding his disarrayed clothes and put them into a small luggage.
“think?” jaejoong snorted, hands on the hips and acted like he just heard the dumbest idea ever. “about what? don’t you do it because you’re not satisfied with my condition? I’m going to have that job soon, just so you know”
yoochun brushed away the second question and gave him a long, somehow sorrowful gaze instead. “you know it’s about us, jae. I wonder if you actually really need me, or is it only about your selfishness all along of this… this thing… whether it’s only about you wanting me to be here just because you’re proving that you can, and not because you wanted to.” he didn’t even dare to mention the relationship they had, or didn’t have at all.
jaejoong caught the gist but refused to give up his pride to ask further. he was smart enough to know what yoochun wanted him to do, but it never meant that he would let other people control his life. he was always independent, and if yoochun was going to leave him like that then it’s fine.
however, perhaps, jaejoong wasn’t that independent. because the morning after yoochun left he couldn’t even find his socks and his watch. his automatic response of calling yoochun’s name halted midway when he realized that there’s only him and those cream-colored walls at that moment.
yoochun was buying vegetables and fish and garlic and…. jaejoong clearly saw him.
huh, so now he’s cooking for himself. like he can do it properly. jaejoong mocked inside his mind while trying to tame the wild beatings of his heart. he couldn’t explain why it had to hurt so much just by seeing him so close yet so far like that.
“chun.” before he could think something else, he was nervously standing next to the subject of his thoughts, feeling his pulses throbbed on his neck.
“oh…. hi, jaejoong.” yoochun smiled warmly, even jaejoong knew how awkward the situation was. “ how have you been?”
I can’t sleep, the bed is too cold and wide for me alone. jaejoong wanted to tell him. I want you to mess up with my cooking and let me mess up with your music scores again.
“good.” but he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “you?”
“not in my best, but I’m improving.”
so you’re okay without me? jaejoong’s tongue was itchy, but he chose to avert his eyes to the dirt on yoochun’s shoes and stubbornly said nothing.
“so..” yoochun started.
come back. jaejoong pleaded wordlessly.
“I should get going, I guess. I’m glad you’re doing fine. maybe we can meet again some time.” yoochun bowed slightly. the polite gesture made jaejoong’s chest tightened and all he wanted to do is to grab the other man’s hand then drag him to his house.
“I can’t sleep.” jaejoong blurted out.
yoochun raised his eyebrows and wait.
“the bed is too cold and wide for me alone. I want you to mess up with my cooking and let me mess up with your music scores again.”
it wasn’t any louder than a whisper but jaejoong knew yoochun heard it.
the market’s noise went mute around them. both of the man stay glued on the ground as anxiety engulfed their surroundings.
“come back… please?” jaejoong leaned in slightly, the desperation slipped within his voice. yoochun took a step back and looked at his eyes, as if to consider how much honesty jaejooong put in his words.
“I miss you.” jaejoong started to panic when yoochun still hadn’t showed any interest at his confession; if it could’ve been called one.
“I love you.”
the love declaration hung amidst the noise of the crowded market, which had penetrated their hearings after what seemed like hours of soundless moment between them. people pushed and pulled their shoulders and the little gaps separated them stretched wider.
“yoochun!!” jaejoong called, tiptoeing only to see yoochun calmly came to his direction, politely asked people to give him a little way.
“hey, cool down.”
“maybe I’m not as smart as people think.” jaejoong pouted.
“since when people think you’re smart?” yoochun was back to his normal self.
“hey!! it’s a public statement which is widely spread all over Gwangju. ” and jaejoong was back to his diva-mode.
later on, if you want to know, they were back under jaejoong’s old blanket while listening the raindrops playing melodies on the window glasses. the heater wasn’t broken but the poor machine still couldn’t work at its maximum capacity. at the foot of the bed, jaejoong’s cat and yoochun’s puppy warmed each other with their furs.
“oh my dear smart, handsome boy, who couldn’t even confess at a better place than a traditional market.” yoochun dramatically sighed, which earned him a poke on his most ticklish spots.
“ha! you haven’t answered me yet!” jaejoong suddenly sat up, pointing his index finger to yoochun who’s happily laughing on the bed.
“geez. can’t you get any sillier?!” yoochun sat up as well, faking an annoyed expression. “come here.”
he wound his arms around jaejoong’s neck and kissed him softly, an innocent lips-to-lips contact and nothing more. an act that simply delivered how they really felt.
“I love you too.”
they smiled in the same accord and jaejoong kissed him deeper.
“it’s not that difficult to say it, was it?” yoochun’s out of breath; happily out of breath.
“you have no idea.” jaejoong rolled his eyes and pulled them to lay on the bed.
“ha!” jaejoong suddenly sat up again, startling yoochun.
“what’s wrong with you?!” yoochun was half awake, and the rain’s sounds was perfect to lull him into a peaceful sleep.
“was that ‘I’m leaving, I need to think about us’ only your acting?” jaejoong eyed him suspiciously.
“who knows how long it’d take you to confess if I hadn’t done that?” yoochun asked him back with his infamous adorable smile, successfully rendered jaejoong speechless.
“want one more goodnight kiss?” he added naughtily.